Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
- Flip Wilson
I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.
- Bill Walton
I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.
- Samuel Butler
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
- Finley Peter Dunne
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
- Pearl Williams
After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
- W.C. Fields
Be careful when reading health books; you may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful.
- Denis Diderot
Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.
- Terri Guillemets
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
- Jackie Mason
If I had my way I'd make health catching instead of disease.
- Robert Ingersoll